the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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