I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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