do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
