What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize