you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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