I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
