Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
