Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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