He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Are we still banned from the library?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
