the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
