Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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