in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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