mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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