i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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