I cannot find my penis.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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