Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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