she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
