is your mom at the bar?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
