I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
