He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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