he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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