I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
