STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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