covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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