i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Alive.
So much puke
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
