Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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