They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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