dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
