Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
