I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
