hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
