I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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