so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
