Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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