Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
