So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
