Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
