I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
