I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
