hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
