Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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