dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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