please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
