Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
