I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
