I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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