Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
