turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're like the curious george of whores
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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