Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
