She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
