I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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