So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
