I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i think my cat just said my name.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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