there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
