the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
