this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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