sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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