I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
