can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
