What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize