Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
