these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Randomize
