my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Randomize
