there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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