And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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