I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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