At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
