Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You can't special order awesome
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
