Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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