I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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