so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
