So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
