I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are the jesus of drinking
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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