I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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