I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
