Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize