Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
