I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
