Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
